so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
