Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize