my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize