Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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