This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
