What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
