i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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