If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize