dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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