my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
