I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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