she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
