How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
