spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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