sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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