That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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