I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
