So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
