I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
