I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
