ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
