i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
