can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We are two peas in an std pod
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
