I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
