How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
