Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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