I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
