I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need to calm my uterus...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
