i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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