is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
