Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
