Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
