We're like a lot better than the average bears
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
