you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
