there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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