So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
