Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
