You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
