Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
