Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
