I got her a Nickelback box set.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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