Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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