8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's just like the Real World with babies
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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