Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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