I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my shit smells like andre
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
