my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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