I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
