God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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