I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
