you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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