He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
