VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
