I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
