hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My breasts were aching with rage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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