White coat. Heels.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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