wrigley field is MILF paradise
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
