Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
