Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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