i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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