I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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