im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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