ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
