He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
