Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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