I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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