I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
