i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
These tits shall not be calmed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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