she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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