she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize